Alright, I am going to have a little rant – because I need to and this is my blog and I can cry if I want to. (you have been warned)
I’ve reached a point in my life where my brain went from “you probably should’nt say that” to “what the hell, let’s see what happens“. The throat punch, a concept somehow distinct from a punch to the throat, was defined by Urban Dictionary in 2004 as a “rapid, unexpected knucklethrust into larynx of a douchebag who is pissing you off”. So… here is a list of things that recently made me want to punch someone in the throat.
1. People who expect their parents to financially support their children, and willingly have more. You can barely look after yourself. It’s selfish, stop it. (This only applies to people over the age of 23 with jobs, I get it – accidents happen).
2. People who are naturally skinny giving tips on weight loss. Just go home, you can’t sit with us.
3. Women who go back to a perfect size 10 a month after having a baby. I hate you. I wish I was you…but I hate you.
4. People who stand too close to me in ques. What is up with that? I can feel your breath on my ears… not ayoba.
5. Strangers coming up to me trying to touch my baby – usually in the facial area – which causes me to swat them away like flies. I will hurt you. I don’t know where your hands have been??
6. The fact that our president is an embarrassment and total waste of oxygen.
7. The fact that global warming, deforestation and to overall destruction of the planet is not being taken seriously by most of the population.
8. Coming home only to walk into my closet to find my clothes or shoes have been rearranged and is no longer in order of colour/season – I am severely OCD.
9. Unsolicited pregnancy/parenting advice. Also, people who give advise on something they obviously suck at.
11. People who believe Googling something makes them an medical expert.
12. Copycats – for the pure reason that it irritates me that some people think so little of themselves that it is impossible for them to even try have an original thought.
13. Animal abuse, of any kind.
14. People who let their toddlers drink coffee and coke – why not just stab it in the face while you are at it?
15. Traffic on the M5.
16. Littering. Wtf man – there are bins everywhere.
18. People who stare… even after you noticed. Because… RUDE.
19. People who talk with their mouths full of food. Sies man!
20. “Share this if you care about starving children in Africa” – sure thing, they will be so proud next time they log onto Facebook. They won’t have food, but at least they will feel loved. How about get off your narcissistic ass and donate some money, food, volunteer.. I don’t know. – something that actually matters besides boosting your ego on social media.
21. Trophy hunting. And the Asshole award goes to…
22. People who have an entourage of nannies and night nurses – maybe I’m just jealous, but I do believe that when you become a parent you make commitment to your child. A commitment to be there for all the crappy stuff and sleep deprivation, not just the good. (I’m not talking about having a nanny take care of your child when you are at work or going out, that’s different.)Don’t become a parent if you don’t want to actually raise your kids, they aren’t accessories.
23. The latest SAX Appeal. Racist little privileged shits.
24. And on that note – Racism. Racists breeding more racists.
26. When my wireless internet connection drops… so. much. rage.
27. Not having time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
28. Patience might be a virtue, but so is hurry the fuck up.
29. What do you want for dinner? I don’t care, anything.
30. Sitting in an hour long interview for a position that doesn’t exist. That actually happened this week.
31. Man bun on a balding dude… please don’t, just don’t. You are ruining it for everyone.
32. People looking away and taking a selfie – like they don’t know it’s happening…
33. Tha half face selfie… I don’t get it…. Is there something wrong with the rest of your face?
34. For the love of all things holy, stop with the Keep Calm and Carry On/Pet a Puppy/Love A Vampire/Write A Blog or whatever new fucking thing is we’re saying now.
35. The Naked Sale at YDE.
36. This. Someone should get fired.
37. People who wear shoes that have their toes hanging over the front or pinky toes sticking out the sides…
38. People who take credit for your work.
Anyway, I needed to get it all out…
Lot’s of love!