Weird Search Engine Searches That Have Brought People To My Little Blog…

I had such a laugh the other night, every now and then I look at the search terms that have brought lost souls to my little blog, some of them are just so crazy. Enjoy…

I had a mental block during my exam am so damn angry at myself – yeah you are screwed.

Head banging

My husband is my everything – I am not sure why you would search that, and although I love my husband very much… I wouldn’t exactly say he is my everything. There is so much more to me!

What do when toddler licks sunlight dish washing liquid? Last time I checked I pretty much banned medical advise from my blog, so who knows how this poor person ended up here. That being said, your child will probably be fine, it tastes like shit though.

I promise not to be an asshole when i grow up – good to know, I don’t promise anything.

Boobs are their business – Who’s? I love boobs.

Beauty without cruelty tattoo – That’s a tad extreme…

Tattoo shop cape town looking for a tattoo artist – you ain’t gonna find no work here, son.

Christel Maartens pregnant? I don’t know? Scaaaaandal!

dramatic-cat-o

ever after high raven queen gets pregnant with dexter charming’s baby – what a slutbag. And she was so young.

Just got to be taught poem? I is happy about you.

Justify animal testing spending – not a f*%#. You came to the wrong place person.

Baby books with removable pieces – Not advisable.

diy not messy fairy dust – on what planet?

Why are there fat people? I don’t even… what? I know I am a curvy lady, but seriously, Google?

Regina-George-mean-girls-22239591-500-281

What is mean 3 years down, forever to go? I R don’t know. Long time it lies ahead!

How to nuk asparagus.. It is surprisingly easy.

Sslouchy Pant, You are a slouchy pant!

I am 27 weeks pregnant and pee every five minutes – I feel your pain sister!

What is Fairydust at the Hospital? probably Morphine, that shit is magical.

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Things My 4-Year Old Kid Saiz

If it is not already obvious, my daughter – Mikayla Rose – is the light of my life. To me she is the brightest, most beautiful and funny little girl in the whole wide world. The world would be an extremely dull place without her… here are some snippets from a live with Mikayla…

Puts toothpaste on her toothbrush and starts yelling in a Frankenstein voice: “Its Alive…It’s ALIVE… IT’s ALLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEE!!!!!!!”

While we are driving in the car on our way to visit family: Mikayla: “Mom, do you think my wish will come true?”  Me: “Well, what is your wish baby?” Mikayla: “That all my kittens will get stuck up a tree”. Um… Okay then…

While I’m getting dressed after a shower: “My boobs aren’t big like yours yet, mom. I can’t lift them up.” Wow…. that stung.

At dinnertime: “Mom if you make me eat my veggies I’m going to stab you with my paintbrush”. Yes, that happened.

Sitting in the lounge: Mikayla: “Mommy!” Me: “Yes babe?” Mikayla: “Not you mom, the mom in my head”. I’m glad I am the voice of your subcontious.

Randomly: “I like flies, they make me thirsty.” What the hell is in the water you are drinking child??

Discussing baking a cake for Ma & Pa: “Mom, when you say cake it makes me go crazy.”

Mikayla to the two flies buzzing around Knox: “You can’t sit on him, he’s not a chair!”

While I’m busy choking: “Mommy you are not dying because you are alive all the day. Crazy lady.”

Me trying to have a nap: “Mom I don’t want you to sleep! I don’t like it when your eyes are closed! I want you to be awake forever!”

Randomly: “Mom, you are a disaster.”

Chatting to Cole: “Dad, yesterday I put some food on a stick and made a keboob!”

Driving home after school: “Dad… Are footprints real?”

I’m bout to drive into the parking bay at Constantia Village when Mikayla suddenly screams: “Mom I don’t want to die!”

Snuggling into my fuzzy blanket: “I’m a baby horse, hatching out f a horse shell.”   Caffeine and Fairydust Thing My 4-Year Old Toddler Saiz

I hope you find this as funny as I do!

Lots of love,

Maz

Pregnancy Brain… It’s A Real Thing

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or growing an entire human being that’s distracting you. Maybe it’s the hormones driving you crazy or maybe you really are losing your mind. Whatever it is, it’s your first actual taste of what it might be like to be senile.

Pregnancy brain is not a medically proven phenomenon, but anyone who has ever been pregnant or lived with a pregnant woman knows it’s very, very real.

Here are some of my pregnancy brain moments…so far:

1. The time I locked Mikayla and myself out of the house on a cold evening. This was just after I took my pregnancy test, luckily I forgot to lock my car as well so we stayed in there to keep warm until Cole came home! When he arrived he asked me how I managed to do it and I told him I had pregnancy brain… Biggest goofball smile on his face I have ever seen! Cool pregnancy announcement huh?

2. The time I wore two different shoes to my doctor’s appointment…
Getting dressed should be like second nature…right? I mean… it is fairly easy, I pretty much dress other people for a living. I was feeling pretty well rested, I got dressed and off to my gynea appointment I went to check on my 22week baby bump.  We did a scan, had a chat and off I went… As I am standing at the counter to pay for my visit I happen to look down at my feet… and:

Pregnancy Brain... It's A Real Thing

3. The time I left my car keys in the ignition, in my unlocked car for a whole day… In South Africa… 
I arrived at work and pulled into the parking lot. Nine hours later I get ready to leave when all of a sudden I notice my car keys are missing. A couple of my colleagues and I searched the office from top to bottom with no luck. I was pretty much in tears and hoping that I wouldn’t have to call my husband to drive 45 minutes in traffic with our toddler in tow, so I retraced my steps instead which leads me right back to my car where I find my keys in the ignition – all the doors unlocked. I can honestly say that it was a first for me. Continue reading

An Interview With Mikayla Rose On Her Impending Big Sister Title, The Meaning Of Life And Everything Inbetween

An Interview With Mikayla Rose On Her Impending Big Sister Title, The Meaning Of Life And Everything Inbetween
What is your name? Mikayla.
How old are you? Three, but I want to be two.
Where do you live? Here.
Do you have any pets? Yeah, two cats called Green Pepper and Rhino and a rat called Tinkerbell.
What do you want to be when you grow up? An astronaut.

Favourites…
What is your favourite colour? Purple.
What is your favourite food? Sushi.
What is your least favourite food? Peas.
What is your favourite game? Running around and playing Ice Kingdom Ice Kingdom – Mom, ask me why I’m crazy.
Why are you crazy? Because I’m crazy all the time.
What is your favourite TV show? Adventure Time.
Where is your favourite place to go? To the jungle gyms and Shay’s house.
What is your favourite thing to do? Writing my names, drawing and painting.
What is daddy’s favourite thing to do? Skateboard…. And hammering and fixing, he makes a lot of noise.
What is mommy’s favourite thing to do? To go to the shops and buy some things.

Other Stuff…
How old is mommy? Sooo old.
How old is daddy? *sigh* Sooo old.
What work does mommy do? Makes pretty dresses!
What work does daddy do? Same as me, he draws stuff.
What makes you happy? Making music and getting love and kisses!

About Life…
What do you wish for? Two heads, and corn trees.
What do you wonder about? Doggies and corn.
If you could change your name, what would it be? Callon.
What is the meaning of life? To get free.
What is the hardest thing to do? Puzzles.
What makes you angry? Red.
What is love? Hugs and kisses.
What are you very good at? Sport and games and guitar and music and doing violins and holidays and the beach and a lot of things.
What is dad very good at? A lot of stuff.
What is mom very good at? Brushing my hair.
What is the best thing that ever happened to you? I got fired.
How did that happen? A fire truck fired me.
How did you get so pretty? You don’t get so pretty, you just keep your pretty in your neck until you loose your energy, then you have to do exercise to get your energy back.

About Babies And Becoming A Big Sister …
Are you getting a baby brother or sister? Brother.
How does that make you feel? Soooo happy!!
What would you like to call him? Knox.
What are you going to teach your little brother? To do balancing, twirling and ballet.
Where is he going to sleep? With mommy.
What are you going to do when mommy and daddy is busy with the baby? Help you!
How do you change a baby’s diaper? You do it fast!
What do babies eat? Baby food.
Why do you want to be a big sister? Because I don’t want to be a little sister.
What do big sisters do? They take care of their little brothers.
Are you going to share your toys? Yes mom!
Where do babies come from? Mommy’s tummy.
How will having a baby brother change your life? I will have my super powers back.
What do you not like about babies? Umm… Poops.
What funny story would you like to tell your baby brother? I already told him a story, it was about a silly clown.
Okay, can you tell me the story? That is the story.
What do you think Knox is going to look like? Like a handsome prince, because I am a princess.

Yes you are.

An Interview With Mikayla Rose On Her Impending Big Sister Title, The Meaning Of Life And Everything Inbetween Pregnancy Announcement